I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
