I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
