My sheets look like a crime scene.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
