so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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