I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
