ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
