it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I need help removing her.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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