we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
