I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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