Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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