I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
