Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
