I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
