I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
is it fun? or sober?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
