that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize