Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
