and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize