You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
