you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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