nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize