So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
