It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
