So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
