My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
