final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
