what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
