My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
