i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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