We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
