This is not my ceiling
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
