i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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