He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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