real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
