He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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