Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
