direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
