Pants 0. Shit 1.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
