No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize