Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
