now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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