I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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