im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
