I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
