this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
