He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
