Taylor Swift is so right about you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
