whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
