So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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