i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
