omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
