Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
