You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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