i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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