May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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