Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
