After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
