it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
