So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
