I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
