how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
