you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
