3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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