I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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