he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We need to get me chipped asap
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
