Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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