a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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