Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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