he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
