they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
