9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
