This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
