Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
