I look better un-naked...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
