Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
