i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
